A new survey reveals 13% of 10th-graders reported smoking marijuana in the past 30 days, while just 12.3% smoked cigarettes.
I never knew ANYONE like I saw on “the Cosby Show.” And I don’t mean influential African-Americans. I mean ANYBODY. My family trends toward the redneck side of things, and so did most of my friends. Living in a brownstone in the city with two parents that graduated from graduate schools? Not in my realm. I’ll pass.
“Live Aid?” I waited 6 months from when it was announced until the show for two things – Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. Black Sabbath ended up going waaaay too early in the day and I missed it. Led Zep? Yeah, whoever was in charge of tuning Jimmy’s guitar must have slept in that day, because, well, it wasn’t. We’re not talking a little out of tune. We’re talking “looking at the neck because I can’t believe how badly this is out of tune” out of tune. It was so bad, to this day, on any Live Aid compilation, you won’t find their tracks. It will never happen, because Robert Plant won’t sign the releases. That’s how out of tune Jimmy’s guitar was. And don’t get me started on Phil Collins getting all the credit for drumming when Tony Thompson of Chic and Power Station was doing all the heavy lifting. Phil was just hitting one cymbal back there.
But let’s get to the real reason for this post – the utter ridiculousness that is “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”
First, a refresher from Wikipedia.org
"Do They Know It's Christmas?" is a song written by Bob Geldof and Midge Ure in 1984 specifically to raise money for relief of 1984–1985 famine in Ethiopia. The original version was produced by Midge Ure, and released by Band Aid on November 29, 1984.[1] In late 1984, a BBC report by Michael Buerk was aired highlighting the famine that had hit the people of Ethiopia. Irish singer Bob Geldof had seen the report and, being a social person, wanted to raise money. Aware that he could do little on his own, he called Midge Ure from Ultravox and together they quickly co-wrote the song, "Do They Know It's Christmas?".
Geldof kept a November appointment with BBC Radio 1 DJ Richard Skinner to appear on his show, but instead of discussing his new album (the original reason for his booking), he used his airtime to publicise the idea for the charity single, so by the time the musicians were recruited there was intense media interest in the subject.
Sounds all wonderful, right? And the money did go to charity, and did start the ball rolling for Live Aid in 1985. But have you ever actually listened to the lyrics? They are the worst sort of European egocentric imperialist tripe you can imagine. Let’s turn the way-back machine on and remember, shall we?
It's Christmas time There's no need to be afraid At Christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy
OK, so far, so good. It’s not Shakepeare, but nothing offensive.
Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time But say a prayer Pray for the other ones At Christmas time it's hard, but when you're having fun
Huh? What in the world is THAT supposed to mean? It’s hard to pray for people at Christmas because we’re having so much fun? Seems to me, that’s when most midly-religious people do the most praying.
There's a world outside your window And it's a world of dread and fear
Really? All of it? So the only place worth living is Europe? I’m sure there are some happy people in Papau New Guinea, even without running water and electricity.
Where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears And the Christmas bells that ring there Are the clanging chimes of doom Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
Where to start? First off, we’re to assume they’re talking about Africa, since that’s where the money raised went. Do we really think there ARE Christmas bells in Africa? Want to guess what the largest organized religion in northern and central Africa is? Go Google it up, we’ll get back to that. And don’t get me started on “Thank God it’s them, instead of you”. I‘m supposed to THANK God for someone else’s misery? Like, if they’re miserable, that means I’m not? Where’s the logic there? There’s only so much misery to go around, and if you have some, that’s less for me?
And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time
When is there EVER snow in Africa? Oh, that’s right, every year.
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life (Oooh) Where nothing ever grows No rain nor rivers flow Do they know it's Christmas time at all
I sooooo want to channel Sam Kinison here, but I’ll refrain. (link NSFW) As for knowing it’s Christmas time, well, NO, THEY DON’T AND THEY DON’T CARE! The largest organized religion in the northern half of Africa, as it has been since the 700s and the Arab-African trade routes brought about the development of the Swahili language, is Islam. Yes, Islam. More northern and central Africans are Islamic than any other major religion. Now, there are plenty of indigenous religious practices, sure. But as far as organized religion, it’s Islam and nothing else is even close.
(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone (Here's to them) underneath that burning sun Do they know it's Christmas time at all
So, I’m supposed to toast those dying of heat exhaustion? Is that before or after I thank God it’s them and not me?
Feed the world, feed the world, feed the world Let them know it's Christmas time again
Again, they don’t CARE that it’s Christmas. Are we going to make forced religious conversion a stipulation on receiving food aid now?
Feed the world Let them know it's Christmas time again Feed the world Let them know it's Christmas time again Feed the world Let them know it's Christmas time again Feed the world Let them know it's Christmas time again
That’s assuming they ever knew (or cared) it was Christmas to begin with. On that note…. Merry Christmas. Seriously. And the next time you feel the urge to do something good, do it. Don’t write a bad pop song instead.
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